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    November 28

    Just a quick note . . .

    We're closing on our house today at noon, and it's just a little after ten.  We're walking through the home in about a half-hour, then on to the festivities.  (sarcasm there)  Lots of signatures.  I hope I can get some coffee.  I didn't sleep well.  E has been ill for a couple of days, hence the lack of posts here.  He had the worst congestion I've seen probably ever.  Poor boy.  He couldn't breathe well enough to sleep, and he was soooo tired . . .  But he's doing better today.  He gets a freebee trip to grandma's while we sign papers, then he will probably get pudding, cookies, apples, crackers, and all kinds of goodies while we're gone.

    Well, I'd better finish getting dressed.  I'll be back.  Take care!
    R
    November 26

    Did a little shopping . . .

    Had lunch with the in-laws yesterday and then went shopping with C as E took a nap.  C and I heard about some furniture sales and thought we would check out a furniture store or two, mostly because we wanted to see if we could actually get a sofa for the new house.  We're tired of having a futon in there, and we also wanted to have a futon for the guest room since we can't afford another bed.  But we didn't have a large budget for new things for the house, so we didn't want to blow it all on the sofa. 

    We still needed a rug for the living room--we need to protect the carpet with our boy around.  Our rug that we had in San Antonio had many accidents done upon it by my dear departed dog, and it smelled.  Bad.  So we needed to replace that, and we had some other ideas, too.  Mostly upgrading our single person furniture to couple furniture.  You know, stuff that's a little nicer and built to last longer.

    We actually found a fantastic deal on a sectional sofa, and we couldn't pass it up.  They were having a deal that if you paid in cash or credit card, they would pay the tax for you.  That savings alone tipped the scale in favor of the sofa.  Then, today we found a rug for only $40 that I think looks a lot more expensive than what we paid.  Once everything's furnished, I think it'll be a lot better, too.  We have our new armoire, new sofa, new rug . . .  Next I want a cocktail ottoman.  I saw one I want that's pretty cheap with free shipping, so that's probably what I'll do, but not until I've saved up some cash.  That's about it for our budget already. 

    Well, that's the news for now.  Tomorrow's the walk-thru, then Tuesday is closing.  Hopefully all goes well and we can get out of here (the 1-bedroom apartment, I mean).  I don't feel super-well, and my wrists are a bit sore (carpal tunnel?) so I'm going to leave it here.  Take care, everyone.  I'll let you know how it goes.

    R
    November 24

    Happy Thanksgiving

    Yes, I know today is not Thanksgiving, but I didn't say it yesterday, so I thought I would today.

    Thanksgiving in many families is full of tradition, from the food offered in the meal to the house the meal is enjoyed in, to the family seated around the table to the gratitude expressed by everyone.  My family is a little different, but we are steep in tradition.

    So, yesterday, true to tradition, I was sick as a dog.

    I don't know how it happens, but a good 75% of the Thanksgiving holidays I've gone through since childhood have found me ill.  I've had the mild ones, now and then, but mostly it's the kind of ill where I can't even be awake more than an hour, where I feel nauseous, where I just feel like I'm gonna die.  Well, the latter is where I was yesterday.  It had been giving me signals for a couple of weeks prior, but I just kept thinking it was allergies or something related to stress or the move up here, or something to do with fatigue . . .  I don't know.  Fill out an excuse list here. . .

    Anyway, it hit me about three days ago, my stomach was cramping, nausea, loss of appetite, fatigue, dizziness . . .  It was tolerable and only mildly annoying at first, but then . . . 

    I digress.  I feel better today.  Not ready for a hike up Enchanted Rock just yet, but I think I can manage some food and maybe a trip to the grocery store.  All of this is good, because Monday is our walk-thru, and Tuesday is closing on the house.  C went by yesterday and saw that we have appliances, wooden blinds in our windows, a light outside the door, and electricity.  Even closer to being finished.  We'll see it Monday.  We'll walk through with our realtor and a home inspector, and then we will walk-through again prior to closing just to be sure everything is finished (the builder assures us it will be, even if they have to work all night), and that we like everything.  Then it's off to the title office for closing.  Then I hope we'll be happy and moving in so we can get this next part over with.

    Next move, we're hiring movers.

    That is my vow, from this day forward.  There it is, in writing, as you see above.  I have now made this pledge, and if we should ever need to relocate again, we are not doing this ourselves.  Not that we are weak or anything of the sort, but there is so much to worry about when moving, worrying about getting everything out and to the new place quickly should not be one of them.  We had stuff still in the garage of our old house when the new owner was fixing up the place the next morning.  Then we barely got everything into storage before the storage place closed for the night, and then we had to return the truck . . .  And the storage place was only right behind our house (you had to drive around the block, but it wasn't far).  Too much to do in a short time.  And, chances are, the next relocation will be just as sudden as this one was, with very little notice to get things done.

    So, C, if you're reading this, we're gonna get movers.  We'll find the money, take donations, I don't know.  We'll figure it out.  But this whole do-it-yourself kind of move really sucks. 

    Well, guess I'm in the holiday spirit, can't you tell?  :)  I need to do some cleaning I hadn't been able to do while I was sick, so I guess I'd better go.  Vacuuming mostly, and some dishes.  Maybe I should do that scrubbing bubble thingie, too.  We'll see.  Don't want to overdo it.  I'm still not 100%. 

    Take care, and have a happy holiday season.
    R

    November 22

    At dinner the other day . . .

    . . . my mother-in-law brings up some type of health problem, and C makes a joke about the "correct medical term" for it, being something silly and stupid.  He then keeps going with the joke, "I read that in the Journal of the American Medical Association."

    Without flinching, either of us, I added, nodding, "Oh, yeah--Jamma."  (JAMA)

    C nods happily, pretending he's impressed that I've heard of it.

    I don't know why, but I thought I'd try this joke out while I was there, "The gynecological publication is called the Mamma Jamma."

    I guess my delivery was good, because C looked at me with his best "no WAY!" humorously surprised look.  "Really?" he asked, not totally sure, but thinking it would be funny if it was true.

    "No."

    "Darn, that would have been great!"  How great that my hubby believed me.  He just thinks I'm smart.  He's so cute . . .

    R

    November 20

    A good story . . .

    Out to eat with C, Millie and E, we sat around the table as E struggled to get Jello on his fork. 

    Millie started to cut it, explaining to E:  "I have to cut it into smaller pieces because your mouth is small."

    E, still in a parrot stage, says:  "My mouth is small."

    We all nod exaggerating nods, agreeing murmurs that he is right.

    Then E interupts with:  "Mommy's mouth is big."

    I almost spit out my potatoes . . .  Sometimes kids have a wisdom they can't even fathom, huh?

    R

    November 19

    All About E

    This weekend was just all about E's birthday.  It was fortunate for him that his birthday fell on a Saturday, so we got to celebrate all weekend.  So, not much blogging or reading my favorite blogs--but we will have a pretty normal week coming up.  Then a couple of hectic ones.  But at least E had a good weekend.

    We went for breakfast to Cracker Barrel (try not to ever go there on a weekend unless you absolutely must) then to the Fort Worth Zoo!  We had a very good time, walking and walking and showing our boy the zoo for the first time.  His first zoo!!  I still don't know how we never managed to get to the zoo in San Antonio, a city with a world-class zoo.  But we never did.  We finally got to go this time, though!  We got a bit worried when we ran out of time yesterday.  I think he liked the train, the Old West theme town, the meerkats, the aviary, and the mountain lions the best.  The giraffe habitat was really nice, too, and we liked the primate habitats.  E wasn't in the mood for elephants or gorillas, and he really didn't like seeing wild boars or hippos in person.   I think they were kind of scary for him. 

    Then we went to the new house to see how it is coming along.  E loved running in the backyard and running up and down the hallway.  So far, it looks like it might be nearly complete!  The bricks look good, the carpet is mostly in, and now there is actually landscaping!  Pretty cool.  I don't know if anyone could really tell by looking what we paid for this house.  And we got a terrific deal on the insurance.  From a good company, too!  (I know what you were thinking!) 

    E liked the insurance rep.  He was pretending to BE the guy all this morning, and he remembered how the receptionist gave him chocolate.  He doesn't even LIKE chocolate, but from a pretty lady . . .  I think he even ate DARK chocolate for the first time . . .  The boy is girl crazy.  He didn't even want to leave because he wanted to help her in the office . . .

    After we walked through and around the house, we went for pizza.  E ate quite a bit, too, even lots of pasta and his version of salad (olives and croutons).  And C was happy because the Cowboys won.  He is a big fan, but he also picked them for his football pool, and not like some people in his office who always pick the cowboys even when they are playing badly. 

    Well, guess I'd better go.  I'll try to add a little photo essay of our weekend when I get a chance.

    Take care,
    R

    November 18

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO E!!

    My sweetest son, my lovely boy, my perky toddler is now 3 years old . . .  He has hit the big 0-3, what can I say?  In many ways it seems like he's been in my life forever, and in other ways it's like the time has flown.  What a darling boy, sweet, sweet sweetheart! 

    I think he had a pretty good day today--spending the morning playing at grandma's, lunch at one of his favorite restaurants, a quick nap, then some great presents and cake!  We had planned on going to the zoo as well, but he was just wiped out before we had even finished with lunch!  But he had a nice racecar cake, he got a Blue's Clues DVD from grandpa in SA, Hi-Ho-Cherry-O game from Auntie CJ, an adjustable basketball hoop that could possibly last him until his preteens, and a great train table from Step 2 that has moulded plastic roads and railroad tracks, cars, trains, and a top that converts it to a craft or activity table and stores the cars and other toys inside.  It's really nice, and boy did he love it!  It's bigger than it looked in the picture.  He got an early present from mom in the form of a NASCAR blanket and car-shaped imitation-leather pillow.  But the table was a huge hit.  He wanted it pushed close to his bed so he could play with it as he dozed.  I hope he can get up in the morning.  I think he's sleeping--I don't hear anything.  But I can't be sure . . .  He's getting sneakier as he gets older . . .

    Well, I am exhausted on many levels, but my mood is better.  I need to get some sleep to have another full Day of E tomorrow.  We are going to make another attempt at getting to the z - o - o.  I still want to walk through the house.  C saw it today and said it looked great!  He said it's pretty far along, too.  I guess so.  We have just over a week before closing.  Maybe I can see it tomorrow, too.

    Blog ya soon, take care!
    R
    November 17

    Tears in Heaven

    I just have to write for a few moments about those I've lost over the past few years. 

    Life itself is so difficult to navigate, and then add to that the challenge of dealing with loss.  There's no single way to handle it, nor a right way or wrong way.  The only wrong way, I guess, would be not to handle it.  But when I'm feeling like I am right now, I think I know this pain so well, I belong here.  Depression feels like this quite often for me--it feels like loss.  It hurts deep within.  It's part of me and I can't get rid of it.  There's no way to really "get over" a loss, only to learn how to live with it.  Time heals loss.  It does not heal depression.

    I hurt inside today.  I miss my dog.  I miss my health.  I miss my life in San Antonio.  I grieve for all of those things.  I grieve for my happiness that I once had, and for the feelings of contentment that would occasionally wash over me for the first time in my life.  I haven't felt that in quite a few months now.  I ache.  I don't know when the pain will go away again, or when it will come back.  I just have to live with it like I would a loss, only the hurt stays and stays and stays.   It doesn't fade. 

    I don't want to belittle any other loss by making mine sound so painful.  My Millie lost two-TWO-of her only three sons, and she lost them almost to the day, two years apart.  This was right around the time my hubby and I got married over 4 years ago.  It was a bittersweet time for us.  We wanted to celebrate, but wanted to celebrate together with those we'd lost.  I lost my aunt and my grandmother in that time as well, and in May, my dear dog of 17 years whom I have bonded with closer than most people in my life.  He was a good, good friend.  I know he understood at least 30 per cent of everything I said.  I could really talk to him about my problems and feel certain that he understood the main points of my problems.  He was so sweet and so smart--I think about him a lot, especially lately. 

    I'm so lonely here, with no friends or family, only my husband, my son, my Millie, and my pets.  And the phone.  But I can't sit at Starbucks with my sister on the phone, shop for beads with my friend in San Antonio, hug my departed poodle when I cry, or watch my dad blush when he laughs . . .  I miss everyone so much.  I miss happiness.

    I guess I should move on today.  I am going to try to get a few things done.  My son is turning 3 years old tomorrow, and I want to make him a cake.  I need to buy a few extra ingredients.  And I need to go to the insurance agency and set up the policy we chose.  And I think I'm going to treat myself to a trip to Hobby Lobby and maybe some Starbucks.  C has an engagement after work with his boss and some coworkers, so I may be alone tonight.  It's okay.  I told him he could go.  I didn't just say it to punish myself, either, like I've been known to do.  I'll be okay.  Maybe I'll do some beading or eat some Taco Cabana for dinner.  It's better than most of the Tex-Mex I've had around here. 

    Well, don't worry about me, folks.  I'll always be back to bring another downer for your day.  Or maybe I'll just be here and tell you how much closer I am to moving into a building with more than one bedroom.  Who knows?  I'll be back.

    Take care, peeps.
    R

    November 16

    I have tons to say today,

    and not nearly enough time to say it all. 

    I mostly wanted to let people know that I'm still here.  I really would like to take the time to write some more interesting blog entries--I have quite a few on my mind lately--but today just sucked the life out of me.

    Lots of disappointments, one after another, just sent me spiralling downward into that familiar place, known to me as "depression".  In this state, I have no idea who I am, what I want, what to do . . .  I just start crying.  And then I feel guilty for crying.  I feel guilty for even telling anyone I'm depressed, mostly because I don't want to worry anyone.  I want to be human, and not a complete doormat, but today just never materialized beyond that point.

    I called around searching for E's birthday present.  The website said it was delivered yesterday.  Okay.  Delivered where?  I didn't get it here, at the apartment.  I called the office, they said they physically looked for it and couldn't find it as of 5:00pm this evening.  Then I called the Wal-Mart store where it was delivered last time, thinking they delivered it there by mistake.  No.  Not there either.  So, where is it?  By the time I realize I'm going to have to walk to the office and search there myself or stay on hold at walmart.com's wonderfully helpful (sarcasm, here) customer service line, it was too late in the evening to really get anything done.

    I took E to get his haircut at Cook Cuts 4 Kids.  I had to write us in since we were walk-ins and we didn't have appointments, but it didn't look too bad.  After an hour, I was starting to think I wasn't going to be able to wait.  I was hungry, tired, and I had to pee.  Yep, I pee.  Don't we all.  And yep, I wrote about it, okay.  And I have a three-year-old, who was also hungry and tired.  He had diapers on, though. 

    So just as I was thinking I needed to leave, they called  E's name and we got up and started to walk to the chairs.  Just then, a woman walked in with her son and said to the stylist, "Why are you taking him?  I have an appointment.  So what's the point of making an appointment, that's what I'm asking you?" 

    She asked if the woman would allow us to go ahead since we had been waiting over an hour, but the woman said, pointing to her son, "He's going first." 

    The stylist looked at me apologetically and asked if I wanted to wait 20 more minutes (with a tired 3-year-old?) or come back tomorrow.  I just grabbed my boy and walked out. 

    I was mostly upset at the rude woman who came in after we did.  I figure what's the point of saying you accept walk-ins then?  And my boy is small and young, and how heartless could she be knowing we had waited so long?  Either way, I suspect they were going to lose a customer over the exchange--the customer just happened to be me.  I didn't even say anything at the time, just fumed in the car over what a waste of time that had been, and how I still had so many other things I could have been doing.  And then I cried.  I cried almost the whole way to my millie's house.

    Part of it was when my son said, "Hair cut?" to me getting in his car seat.  And then I felt like I had disappointed him terribly.  And then he still didn't have his present.  And now I was crying on top of it all.  Gosh, I'm sorry sometimes that he got stuck with me for his mom.  I want to be the strong one, so he can depend on me.  I don't wnat him to feel like he needs to take care of me.  I think about Abby's mom in ER.  She always felt like she had raised herself on that show.  So sad.  I don't want to be that kind of bipolar mom.  I want to be a good mother.

    Then I got upset over everything by the time I got to Millie's.  I was upset that no one liked to shop for beads with me, that I couldn't even set aside booklets of coupons for a few hours until I could go through them without my husband tossing them out, that I couldn't even get a few stinkin' minutes to myself to do someting I care about . . .  Sometimes it feels like my whole life is about everyone else but me right now.  I miss my family and my hobbies.  I miss that I always had some time to myself in San Antonio and that now my husband comes home so late every day.  I hate that I have no friends or even opportunities to make friends. 

    Ugh.  My brain is shutting down for the night.  I'm just sitting here trying to remember what I was just doing.  Typing, duh.  That's why the keyboard is in my lap and my computer monitor is on. 

    Anyway, I'll try to write other things that have been on my mind except for my feelings. 

    So I think I'm gonna blog ya'll later. 

    Take care,
    R

    November 14

    So little time . . .

    So many chores to get done as we get nearer to closing . . . Oh, and add to that the fact that E's birthday is coming up, we're moving again, I need to lose weight, pick up prescriptions using a new service, schedule surgery consultations, and keep the apartment together in the meantime, and I have a full schedule indeed.

    E's present we had shipped to Wal-Mart was damaged in shipping. It took all day over there to get a new one shipped and get a refund sorted out. Then I came home minus part of the refund, and had to go to the store and have part of it done again. That took too many hours out of my life! Then all day yesterday was insurance quote day. Many hours on the phone and on the computer. I was a tired mommy.

    Today is utility company day. Then I need to get a haircut for E, get a cake baked, pick up a second shipment for E's birthday present, finish the insurance paperwork, and who-knows-what-else I might have forgotten just now. Lots to do over the coming week.

    I guess I can't complain, though. At least we have a place to live, and at least my son has a birthday coming up, and at least we can afford electricity and water . . . I don't want to take what I have for granted. It's hard to get all of these things done in the midst of all of my normal chores and housework, but it's all for the best. Hopefully this is all going to be worth it in the end. I'm still pretty P-O'd at the Horizon Homes folks for the service we've received. I'd like to call the whole deal off just for the principle of it all, but I don't know how easily we could phanagle another home deal in such a short time. I really feel stuck in this situation. I don't want to live in this 1-bedroom apartment anymore. So we have to buy a house and get out of here. So I'm stuck with the Horizon deal on this short notice. I'm very unhappy with this service, though. They just don't seem to care that I'm unhappy, either, which makes it worse. It would take a whole blog entry here to tell you what's wrong with Horizon, and I don't really have time right now. I need to get in the shower, bathe my boy, call utilities, and clean this apartment. Put laundry away, too. Just another busy day.

    I would reward myself with cranberry bliss bars, but I need to lose weight. I'd especially like to lose weight before the Christmas party for the station where C works, partly because I want to make a good first impression for all of his new coworkers, and partly because I don't have a nice dress I can fit into. But cranberry bliss would be so good right now, a little vacation from the stress of the moment. And aren't I worth a little cranberry bliss? Aren't I? Especially for all of the hard work I've been up to lately? I've even had to put off blogging . . . I think of all things I deserve, a delicious pastry for under 2 bucks would be it. And it's so mighty tasty, too! If you've never had one, you would have to try one so you'd know. I think mostly women like them. The men seem to prefer the mint brownies that come out during the holidays. But it's the white chocolate chunks, the tart cranberries, the cream cheese . . . Maybe it's a hint of the cheesecake flavor that makes women so happy . . . I don't know. But these things are delicious, let me tell ya. And it's so good to have them back this year, if only for a short time.

    Well, I'd better get going on my errands. I kinda stink right now, too. So I'll blog later, as soon as I get a chance.

    Take care,
    R

    November 11

    Overload . . .

    This past week, plus the upcoming ones have been adding up to quite a bit of overload here.  I'm just overwhelmed with things to do, people to call, additional chores to do, and lots of business to keep track of.  Not to mention the medical insurance two-step I'm in the middle of with my prescriptions.  So far, Express Scripts has not made my life any easier, and I have yet to get my first order from them.  Thanks to United Healthcare for all-BUT forcing us to use them to get my maintenance medications.  I really didn't need this extra mess to deal with, though.

    We finally have bricks, though--bricks on our house!  Yep, they finally found someone new to finish the job, and hopefully our house will be done by our closing  date at the end of the month.  We walked around there today and studied everything.  I hope they will actually finish by the right time, because I am not going to be happy about staying extra days in this tiny apartment and paying extra rent.  I'm going cabin crazy here.  (Actually, I'm not totally sure what cabin crazy is, but I think in the past few months I've figured it out.  1-bdrm apartment nuts, with a family, guests, and pets . . . )

    We got our armoire from the ebay auction I won--wow, did I get a great deal!  It's a bit scratched in a few places, but in otherwise fantastic condition, it's huge, in two pieces, and solid wood.  The family we bought it from said they paid something like $1200 for it about a year ago, and we got it for $178.  Wow.  Yeah, I really love ebay.  Love it.  If I wasn't already married, I'd marry it.

    In case you can't tell, I'm kidding.

    I love my C.  He's weird, but funny and sweet.  And weird + weird = a happy marriage, I guess!  :) 

    We get E's birthday gift tomorrow, shipped to our local Wal-Mart.  I won't write about it in case E reads this--well, he's learned to read a few words already, and hey, you never know!  I don't want to underestimate the boy!  But I'll blog about his birthday celebration next weekend.  He's hitting the big 0-3 pretty soon!  And I think he's ready to date already, nevermind if I'm ready for it!  ;)

    Well, guess I should get going.  I have lots to do tomorrow already.  Thanks for reading about the details of my life.  Don't know what's wrong with you folks, but it's sweet!

    Take care,
    R

    November 10

    Woo Hoo!

    Cranberry Bliss Bars are back!  Woohoo! Woohoo! woohoo!  WOO HOO!  (That's me, hooting and hollering)

    I just love the cranberry tartness, the creamy smoothness of the cream cheese, the silky white chocolate drizzle and white chocolate chunks . . .  They just don't make treats much better than that.  They really don't.  No one does.  (In case you're thinking of arguing with me here, I'm telling you--They don't!)

    Yummy Yummy.  I had my first cranberry bliss bar of the season today, along with the absolute perfect accompaniment of a steamy white mocha.gbu8ghnugyfhl 7knjhgu89jilioigojn9oiokomi0oki0ioooooojjjjjojijoijooooooooooooiuoijo  I just can't wait to get back there again and have another.  Trust me, you should hurry down there and try one yourself, if you haven't yet.  They are gone all too soon every year.  Make friends with the barista, and you will know when they are coming back ahead of time next year, and get a sample a little early, like my sister did last week.  Lucky girl.  They were only supposed to put them out yesterday for the first time, but she got one early from her local store.  Nice people there.  Really nice.

    CJ went to cranberry bliss with me, then we shopped a bit and Target before she had to go.  Things will be so quiet and boring now.  It's always nice to have a partner-in-crime while she's here, even if I had to sleep on the floor.  She printed a bunch of JD Fortune pictures to take with her to hang on her wall.  She's in major lust with him, too.  He's a true hottie! [=p0-[o   7trfikki mhjhiuiukmkjhgjjjnjjjjjjjkut989gjjjuhgjhi9u  Okay, there's a little entry from E.

    Well, phone calls about the house, my prescriptions, doctor appointments, and stuff keep coming in, so I guess I should get going.  Busy day.  Blog ya later!

    Take care,
    R
    November 08

    Thanks

    Thanks to S and D who visited from England over the past two days.  They brought E a truck set and some jellybeans, both of which he loved.  And we had a lot of fun getting to know them and drinking coffee and driving around.  I wish they could have stayed longer, but they have more places to get to.  CJ is staying on till the end of the week to continue visiting with me.

    I have had a good time over the past few days, though.  It will be lonely when the house is quiet again.  But we had a nice tour of the tv station where C works and visited the studio.  I got to say hi to some people I had met before, which was nice.  Kenneth Taylor is so nice and fun to talk to, it's great.  He has a great sense of humor.  And C showed us some of the work he's been doing lately.  And we walked around the news sets. 

    Well, still busy, so I guess I'll go.  Things are progressing on the home building, dates are set for closing and for the walk-thru.  Hope it's done by then! 

    Well, gotta go.  Blog ya later.

    R

    November 06

    Sleeping on the floor . . .

     . . . is not fun.

    But my sis CJ is here, so we have to make room in this tiny apartment.  That means C and I sleep on the floor and give her the sofa.  E always has his own room and his own bed, but I can't fit into a tiny plastic racecar anyway, so . . .

    I am sooooooo sleepy I can barely think, let alone type.  The floor is uncomfortable and makes my joints sore, which makes it difficult to sleep.  Then, last night, we had one of the loudest thunderstorms I can remember.  It was the storm that wouldn't end, let me tell ya.  Every time I thought it had quieted down, another series of blasts would hit, shaking the entire building and vibrating through the floor.  Normally I find thunderstorms soothing and easy to sleep through, but this one was a different story.  So I'm in desperate need of sleep while I have company here today.

    Don't know what the plans are for today, but we will probably get coffee at some point.  CJ's friends are supposed to be in town fro England.  I guess they'll call her on her cell phone.  Then we'll probably meet them for lunch.  Probably not a good day for hiking or outdoor stuff, as I'm sure the ground is soaked and the weather is drizzly.  I'm sure we'll find something.

    Anyway, mundane details.  Thanks for reading.  Take care.
    R
    November 05

    Family Fix

    Today I get a little family fix.  CJ is coming to visit!  Even though she is really coming to visit her friends flying in from England, she will stay a while and visit me, too!  :) 

    I'm not sure when she's getting here, but it will most likely be late afternoon.  I'm still not feeling too well, but it should be nice to have some company.  I've just been sleepy and suffering from tummy aches.  And the usual backackes, shoulder aches, neck aches, head aches, etc.  But the unusual reason for feeling bad is the tummy aches. 

    I went ahead and made an appointment for a surgery consultation in January.  It seems like a long time from now, and the insurance will take a couple of months to respond, then there will surely be additional consultations and coorespondence, then hopefully I can get the surgery over with.  It will be a few months, though, minimum.

    My cranky boy is preventing me from blogging too much here, so I guess I'll go.  Take care!

    R

    November 03

    Money

    Sure could use some right now!  So many things come up at once, and there just isn't much we can do.  We had to put new tires on the car ($300), buy my prescriptions ($120, with insurance!), E's birthday is coming up (no money left for that until Friday after next), my sister is coming to visit (I have maybe 20 bucks to use while she's here), and that's not counting the groceries, the house, gas for two cars, and the weird bills now going into collections for an account we never had.  Stress happens all at once.

    Things will be tight for over a couple of weeks, probably, if not more than that.  We're still paying bills from San Antonio that we hadn't been able to pay while we were there.  All of this, and C got a big pay raise for moving here, but there never seems to be enough money.  No money left in savings.  It's just sad.  We don't even live extravagantly (I mean, I'm driving a Ford Focus!) and we never eat out or go to movies or anything.  We haven't bought new furniture in I don't know how long, and all of my clothes are from Ross or Wal-Mart.  We don't even have cable!  My computer is about 5 years old.  I haven't even been able to afford to go to Starbucks.  :(  I hate when I feel like our resources are so limited I can't get enough out of my short life.  Not that people always need money to enjoy life, but it would help.

    We are pretty humble people here, not the kind who like to drive fancy cars or live in fancy houses.  We don't have to eat at the best restaurants or shop at the best stores.  Our house is small and affordable--houses here are unbelievably cheap.  We don't even use credit cards!  I mean, I really think we are doing our  best.  And I don't know if I can afford to get my surgery even with the insurance.  We'll have to see.  It's really tough to have medical conditions that need maintenance medications and to live on one income.  I just saw a story on the news last night that only 6% of the day care centers here meet the national requirements, so the single income is likely to stand for a while.  I am so scared to send my boy to day care!  And then spend all of my money to send my boy away to get terrible care.  Not worth it to me. 

    Well, enough whining for the moment.  You know I can't stop whining for long!  But it's done for now.  My wrists are getting tired!  :) 

    Blog ya later, folks.  Take care!
    R

    November 02

    Do I LIKE to be Bipolar?

    No, not really.  I don't like not knowing where my next mood will come from.  I don't like having my emotions controlled by so many malfunctions going on in my brain.  When the lows are low, they are really LOW. 

    But let me tell ya, there is no high like a bipolar high, especially when you are propelled upward by thousands of screaming fans at a concert, as well as your own adoration.  Music, dancing, screaming, and loving every minute . . .  The last time I was that high was at the INXS concert. 

    The next closest high would probably be when I saw my dad for the first time after moving here to FW.


    I miss my family.  I used to see my dad every week.  I appreciated how much he wanted to see me and to see E grow up.  And it was fun getting to know him more personally than I ever did when I lived with him as a child.  He can be such a funny person, especially when he doesn't mean to be.  And such a kind person, who always wants the best for us even when he can't give it to us personally.  And he listens very well.  I loved the Starbucks conversations we would have.  Some days we would laugh so hard, I'm sure we chased the customers out of the store with annoyance many times.  So much fun.  Just  leisurely Saturdays.

    Miss you guys. 

    Love,
    R

    November 01

    Bleh!

    Blehblehbleh!   Bleh!

    My, that laundry was foul!  I would try to describe it, but it would sound like I was exaggerating!  It took every quarter I had in the apartment to use the machines in the laundry facility, but I think some of the clothes must be washed again.  That would make 3 washes total for just one load. 

    E is doing better today.  He did have to miss the party after all, but only because I didn't want to risk it.  He got tired after doing laundry, and I carried him most of the time.  His nose isn't quite as drippy today, though.  Just some sneezing.

    I don't think my meds are working as well as they were in San Antonio.  I just seem to have lots of restless energy.  Unfortunately, it's not always the energy I could use to get things done around here, but instead just keeps me feeling impatient, bored, and fidgetty.  I'm always tapping my foot or my fingers.  Even during dinner last night.  It's not like I was bored--I was having some excellent pizza and talking to my hubby.  But I couldn't just sit still and eat. 

    The good news is that we finally have a closing date for our home.  Guess that means we might actually have  a place to live after all!  This apartment is too small for living here much longer.

    Well, I'm still restless, so I guess I'll go.  Find something else to do.  My brain just doesn't want to sit still, either.  It just keeps going on and on.  Skipping from topic to topic.  Not wanting to stop anywhere for too long.  Doesn't help me sleep, even when I'm tired.  Tired tired tired tired tired. 

    Anyway, take care all.  Blog ya later.
    R