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January 26 Everyone I meet . . .. . . is doing Weight Watchers! :) It's so funny, I will make a passing comment about points or just mention WW and then the person I'm talking to says they are also on WW. It's cool, no one thinks I'm a loser for trying it! And I have the accountability I had been lacking on other diet plans. I want to get stickers every week! ;) I hope I am going to get more on Tuesday. So far, I haven't had any problems sticking to the plan. The only time I've used Flex Points this week was at Medieval Times. I don't know if anyone else has been there, but if you have, you know the food isn't spectacular. It's just somewhat incidental. It's there, you eat it, and then it's over. Not memorable. I hate having used Flex Points on that. Quite frankly, I want it to be worth it. And that roast chicken was hardly worth it. Why couldn't it have been Papa John's pizza or something? Oh, well. But I've still been following the plan. CJ said she was feeling better yesterday. She's sleeping late today, and I understand. I hope we get to do some hanging out. We got to watch some tv together yesterday afternoon and do some chatting. It was nice. Perhaps we can get out of the house today. It's supposed to be a nice day, sunny and warm. At least it's not raining. I've had my fill for a while. Well, I'd better see if I can get a shower in. It's an emergency now! I never could squeeze it in yesterday, and I almost took a shower at bedtime, but I was too tired. Now it's a priority today. It might have to be a quickie, but I'll take it! Better get some more morning business taken care of. Talk to you all soon! Take care, R January 25 CJShe's been sick with a severe stomach flu since Monday afternoon. At first, she thought it was a migraine, which she gets all the time, so I went to my plastic surgeon appointment anyway. When I got back, she was still in the bathroom throwing up. Later, she was still throwing up. I gave her some water to make sure she didn't get to dehydrated, but it didn't really help. No offense to her, I love her dearly, but she has a way of not really telling you what she need or wants, but just kind of letting you figure it out on your own. I didn't know if she needed to go to the doctor or not, or what I should do. I asked if she wanted to talk to her doctor in San Antonio on the phone, see if he had any advice. She just told me he couldn't do anything from all the way over there. So I let it go. Later, she started crying and said she thought she was vomiting blood. I had to get C to help drag her out to the car to take her to the emergency clinic. They said it was stomach flu. They gave her a prescription to stop the vomiting and nausea, and I took her home. It makes people sleepy, so she has basically been sleeping since then. She had Pedialyte on Tuesday, and some crackers. Yesterday and today she was able to eat bagels and light cream cheese. I hope she's doing better soon. We really haven't had much of a visit. She's just sleeping and eating occasionally. I hope she's okay. She doesn't really say. I think she likes it when people worry about her and take care of her. I don't always know what to do, so sometimes I get frustrated trying to read her mind. I hope she doesn't take it the wrong way. C, E and I went to Medieval Times last night. We got free tickets from the tv station or else I'm not sure we would have gone. It seems kind of expensive to me. It was fun, but E got scared a few times, especially during the sword fights. I think it was loud for him. But he seemed to have a good time anyway, and he's still talking about it today. He mentions the horses, the castle, the king and princess, and how he wanted one of the horses. Oh, and I went to my Weight Watchers meeting on Tuesday night. I have hypothyroidism, antidepressants, and an ovarian cyst keeping the weight on me, but somehow I actually LOST 4 POUNDS! I couldn't believe it! I'm still in shock. I'm definitely sold on this program, and it isn't even hard to follow. It's genius, let me tell you. And that I can still have Starbucks, I'm a happy camper. Any diet where I had to restrict what I had or cut it out all together has failed. I just snap. I miss my Starbucks. Speaking of Starbuck, he's barking like mad and driving me nuts. He keeps barking at E. I think he's fascinated by him. Then Benny barks because he thinks Bucky is barking at some kind of danger. Then Bucky barks because he thinks there's really a reason to be barking at E, and it goes on and on. They set each other off. I keep making them go outside to bark. I'm sure the neighbors love me right now. Sorry. But I don't want to go nuts in here. I am under stress as it is. Now Ben's barking at nothing. UGH! He gets out of the gate, though, so I don't want him to go outside too much. He's going out in a minute, though, if he doesn't shut up! Okay, guess I'd better go. I need to change E's diapy and take a shower. I'll try to be back soon. Take care, R January 21 PerceptionsDo you ever think about how your dog sees the world? Not just how he sees the world, but how he perceives it, and perceives truth? His experiences will determine who he is, what he believes, and what truth means to him. For example, a dog may live in your home, make occasional visits to the vet's office, the park, maybe the pet store. His idea of the world might be that he believes all dogs are cared for by humans, that 50% or more of the humans in the world have dogs, that dogs live in houses, dogs go in the yard . . . Maybe they don't even realize what you're doing in the bathroom . . . Maybe dogs think humans don't even need to go to the toilet! Humans eat the best food, do the hunting and bringing food home, humans have all the freedom, dogs wait . . . Wait for everything. Just think about it, how a dog might see the world, how it's his experiences that tell him about the truth of everything. Then think, how have my own experiences affected me? How do I see the world because of how I've lived, the childhood I had, the home I live in, the place I was born? How could my experiences have led me to believe things that aren't true, like those of a pet? What might someone else see that I cannot? How many times has it happened, that you made a snap judgement about someone, then found out it wasn't true? For example, I remember meeting a woman on the phone at a new job who gave me a hard time. She really let me have it about how I didn't understand what I was doing and I was making her job harder, etc. I felt horrible after that. I thought, what a bitch! The next day, I went to a morning meeting and sure enough, guess who was in the conference room? The same woman. I hadn't met her in person, and I was sure she knew who I was anyway, but I thought I would just start over. Why not? Then at least I would know I had tried, that I was not responsible for her attitude and that I actually did all I could to make friends. As it turned out, she suffered from migraines, took muscle relaxants, and overall had a hard time getting through every workday. I'm sure she was stressed and grumpy that day. When we really got to know each other at that meeting, she was very nice. I mean, she shouldn't have taken out the day's frustrations on me, but who hasn't made a mistake like that once in a while? Would we want people to make judgements about us just from one bad day? After that, she was one of my close friends at work, came by my office just to say hi, and chatted with me frequently. If I had let that first experience make my decision for me, I would have missed out on a friend. Another example: What do you think about Vin Deisel? Maybe he's a macho man, not very smart, thinks about his muscles a lot? I don't know, stuff like that? Okay, it's stupid, but go with me on this . . . I saw an interview with him on tv where he said he was always a nerd in school, played D & D, grew up in an artist colony, and wanted to some day star in the film version of a musical! Would that have been anywhere in your mind? Would you have guessed any of that just from judging a book by it's cover? I didn't. Now I know how wrong I can be. How very wrong. It lets you know how faulty notions like racism are. How can you hate someone you don't even know? Can you imagine life in that person's shoes for one day? Think about how the day-to-day experiences of that person differ from yours, and how that might determine who you are? Maybe if you can think of how your experiences could have sheltered you, you could also see how to step out of that truth and into another, one that's broad and open-minded, one that's full of the experiences of others and not just your own. Maybe I'm not explaining this as well as I would have liked, but it's something I've been wanting to write about for a while. My sister CJ will be here in another hour and a half or so, and I'm sure she and I will spend time together this evening. I'll be back, though. Take care, R January 19 Believe it or not . . .I'm actually sitting here WAITING for a stupid collections agent to call. Yep, I've been calling HIM daily now, leaving messages, saying I owe him money and I want to pay! WTF kind of crazy messed up world is this???? Are we in Opposite World? Is this Opposite Week? Did I miss the memo? I've been trying to get this guy to call me, trying to pay, and now he's not answering and not returning my calls. Bastard. The Bastard made me cry yesterday when I talked to him, telling him I would pay but not the whole amount, I disputed part of it, then he said (after I cried) that if I called today, before noon (did that) that he would take off part of the amount owed if I paid in full. Okay. I said I would. Said thank you and crap. Then I called him, so far twice today, and I'm still waiting. It's 2 :30 in the afternoon here now. OMG!! Just as I'm sitting here bitching, he calls! Okay, finally! I guess I'm gonna bitch about some more stuff, and see if I can get some more business taken care of! :) Well, first off, I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst yesterday. :( Saw it on the ultrasound. It's been bothering me for months, but I kept putting it off for one reason or another. I guess part of me thought I was kind of "psyching" myself into feeling pain there, because I expected it or something. But no, there's really a reason for pain there. Now what? I'm waiting to get a call now from my doctor's office, so they can refer me to a gynecologist in Fort Worth. I still need to find one anyway, so I guess that's good. Then we'll find out what to do. I have an IUD, so I don't know what causes cysts with that. I guess I'll find out. It also says that ovarian cysts can cause weight gain, so I'm anxious to have it treated, if possible. Then the Weight Watchers thing might be more successful. I'm tired of health conditions and medications that cause weight gain! Tired of it! Can't I have something that causes weight loss to balance it out or something? OK, so far, no phone calls on that. Oh, well. Guess I'll write more later, I do need to get to the grocery store to buy some healthier foods and groceries. It's grey and cold out, and not exactly inviting to go out in, but I know I need to. Maybe I can get that cup of Starbucks coffee I've been wanting. I [why is there a foreign banner add on my blog? Sorry, I was distracted there for a moment} . . . I get FlexPoints every week, so I thought I'd use them on the occasional coffee. See ya later, peeps. Guess I could use some words of encouragement, if you have any. Thanks for reading. R January 18 My husband sent me this . . .I particularly like #1 and #6: The Vision of Children... 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." 3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." 4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" 5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then, "she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?" 6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?" 7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" 8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." 9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought ! his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes." 10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" 11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear." Don't . . .Have a double-shot of espresso at bedtime--unless it's decaf. Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid . . . I have things to do tomorrow, mainly make it to the doctor and see if my prescriptions are making me fat, and make sure I bathe. The latter will be the hardest one, since I have a toddler boy demanding my every waking moment's attention. Gotta find a play group around here . . . I got an email from my dad. It's so nice to hear from my family back home. I miss everyone. CJ should be here soon, in a few days. That should be fun. I know we'll get into trouble. (When I say trouble, I mean good, wholesome, nerdy trouble.) Guess I'll take another crack at this sleeping thing everyone's talking about. Seems like I could use the energy tomorrow. Maybe I'll visit Millie. I can't make the house dirty if I'm not home, right? I should know better. The house will be dirty within ten minutes of my son waking up. <sigh> Take care, peeps--and get some sleep. Unless it's after sunrise or you're working or driving or something. Not that you'd be reading this if you're driving. Or would you? Come to think of it, I really don't know when or where you're reading this . . . Hmmm. Something to think about as I try to sleep. Anyway, I digress. I will be in touch. R January 17 Starting AnewLast night, I took a big step for myself. I'll tell you a little about it. First, I joined the Weight Watchers program. I did the monthly pass, which allows online access and unlimited meetings every month. I'm hoping that having the resources available as well as accoutability for my actions will help me further. I'll have to go to meetings weekly, or they charge you for missed weeks. Good. I need something to push me a little harder. I think I need more pressure to lose the weight. If it turns out it's my medication and not my eating habits keeping me heavy, at least I will have learned how to maintain a healthy weight later on. The plan is easy, especially if you follow the points program. You can eat anything, as long as you have points in your day to allow it. You just have to count and portion control a bit. Not too hard once you try it. Today was my first day on the program, and it wasn't too hard at all. You get 35 "flex points" a week to use as you like (or not at all) if you need some "wiggle" room in your diet. I think I will use some of them every week for my Starbucks habit. The rest I will save and use only if I need them. A lot of the things they ask of you are things I already do, like take a multivitamin and drink lots of water. You are advised to limit alcohol intake, which I have no problem with. I don't drink sodas, either. One or two in a month, at most. The sugar will be hard for me, and limiting my slices of pizza. I may have to save up points for visits to San Antonio when I get my Tex-Mex back. Anyway, that's a big step for me. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon. I had the appointment set for this morning, but I changed it when I heard there was going to be snow. I have to get used to driving in it, and get used to how people over here drive in it. It wasn't too bad. Just a powdery dusting over the rooftops and lawns. It's mostly melted this evening, but it will last overnight. Roads are pretty clear now. I'm going to mention the medications to my doc, and get E an appointment soon. Then I guess I have my plastic surgeon appointment next week. Or the week after, I can't remember. I think it's next week. Yet another person to handle my boobs. Yeah, I hate adding on to that list of folks who get to touch 'em. I like to keep that list as small as possible. I don't know about you folks. E has been really sweet, laughing a lot at his own made-up words like "burp-sneeze" and gibberish. Then he laughs when I meow and hiss like an angry cat. And he has a few words we like to pronounce his way, out of sheer cuteness:
We both miss you, Meope. Take care, R January 15 Most popular:The most popular pings from search engines that tag my blog:
Probably nothing. R You know me . . .My brain often works in mysterious ways. You just never really know what's going on up there. If I don't, you shouldn't. So today, for some reason, I remember over the summer than San Antonio had a drought, and there were signs on the expressways from Transguide that displayed messages to the people of San Antonio to let them know. Burn/Arson Ban In Effect ??????? I hope I don't need to tell you what's so weird about that, but just in case: Isn't there ALWAYS an "arson ban"? ?????? I kept waiting for that ban to be lifted, but it never was. R January 13 Depressed?Am I depressed again? I don't know. I never really know what's going on in my brain. It's not that I don't have any right to be depressed--I can always come up with reasons. I'm lonely, bored, fat, ugly, lazy, sad . . . I miss my rabbit. I miss my Qui-Qui. I miss having my friends and family around. I miss seeing different people and places during the course of a week. I'm still kind of down on being here. I know it could be a simple matter of an attitude change, but it's harder to do than to say. I find it boring here with only my mother-in-law to find things for me to do. I don't really know what to do here. It doesn't seem like there is much to do. Go to a movie. And I never go to movies. It costs too much. Even the food here is so-so. So I can't get into restaurants. And shopping? Well, there isn't much. And I'm broke. Ice skating? The closest decent rink (that isn't half-melted) is in Euless. There aren't community education classes offerred by the school districts like in San Antonio. Curling is all the way in Dallas. The places I used to shop aren't very close. Millie lives halfway across the city, at least 18 miles from here. It's not a quick, impulsive drive to make in the middle of the day, most of the time. The library is closed 2 days a week, which sucks. Museums? Not many. Galleries? Um, don't know. Where they might be, I have no idea. Do they showcase anything besides Kincaid-style sappiness or old Western cliche's, I don't know. Parks? Not too many, not too close. The ones I've seen aren't really for hiking so much, and not too pretty. What else is there to do? I would usually just hang out with my sister, my dad, or my friend H in San Antonio. We'd go hiking or shopping, run errands (just so we wouldn't have to do them alone), hang out at Starbucks, go out to eat. I took a figure skating class and did a curling open house, but we moved before I could save up for the class. I'd go to Hobby Lobby or someplace to shop for beads to make jewelry. I was thinking about taking a PMC class in jewelry-making, but it filled up before I left. I haven't seen one here, not even at Hobby Lobby or Michael's. Is there an art school? I don't know. If there is, I can't find their web site. I'm not into car racing or football. I guess I feel like I don't fit in. Not many liberals here. Not many art events or museums. All the ladies have poofy hair and too much eye makeup. Everyone drives a truck. Screw the environment. Lots of firearms and knives for sale. This is the part of Texas people make stereotypes out of. I'm sure I'm being too critical. I know, I just need to give it time, I need to have a positive outlook, change my attitude, etc. Make friends . . . Meet people. Ugh. How? Remember when you were a kid and you could just walk up to some kid at a playground and say, "Hi, do you want to play?" And it worked, too. Remember that? What a psycho I would be to do that now. Well, guess that's all I wanted to rant about. I'm still bummed, still bitter, still lonely. Still bored. I'm thinking about Weight Watchers instead of the gym, mostly because I tried a gym already and it didn't work. That was back in SA. I was on different medication then, but I think food habits are hurting me more. And I have no way of changing them in the midst of depression and lonliness. Maybe I'd make friends easier than at the gym. I need to learn healthy habits. Maybe I'd learn how to incorporate activities that enhance fitness into my daily life. It would be nice. I guess I need the help. I can't seem to figure this out on my own. I will try to find other things to talk about next time. Sorry, these are the things on my mind. I haven't even read my favorite blogs lately. Just feeling introverted, which doesn't help the lonliness. I know. I sabotage myself and my happiness. Need to fix that. Talk to you all soon, whoever might be reading. Thanks for paying attention. R January 12 SorrySorry for my neglect, y'all. I just haven't felt like posting. I don't really know why, I guess. I just feel like all of my reaching out for attention is getting me nowhere right now. I'm just lonely and still freakin' lonely. I don't have a clue how to make friends once I become an adult and have kids. How do people do that? And here I am in a strange city with nothing to do and no one to do it with. I'm just bored. I think I was withdrawing a bit. I just settled into a self-pity party of my own. And today I found out my copays went up on my insurance this year. Gee, thanks for telling me, UHC! It's still pretty good coverage, I think. I still hate that I have to order my maintenance medications through the mail. It really sucks, let me tell you. And they force you to do it, or your copays DOUBLE! Are they the mob? Is this some kind of money laundering scheme? Or some business front? I don't know. I'm just mad, I guess. And the Fort Worth sanitation system is a mob front if I ever saw one--let me give you a hint.
Is that some kind of racket or what? They won't pick up your trash if it's in your own can and not theirs. And the trash cans must be in the street off the curb, exactly 2 feet apart, 3 feet from the mailbox, not blocking a stinking driveway . . . And they can TICKET you if you don't comply. Bastards. Okay, I'm in a b-i-t-c-h-y mood. I miss my Missy Rabbit. And I'm lonely and bored. 'Nuff said. I will do my best to post soon. Take care folks. R January 07 I'm back . . .I guess I just haven't felt like posting or something. I've been feeling bored and lonely, of course, and I've been sad over the loss of my rabbit, and I'm still not feeling 100 per cent healthy after being sick for so long. When I had a little bit of energy to spare, I used it on overdue household chores and spending time with my son. I do need to get out of the house today, though. There are a few things I need at Wal-Mart, and Meope's remains are ready for me to bring her home from the vet's office. I would hate to leave her there too long. I guess that's what E and I will do today, after he gets up from his nap. C has plans already. I'm still kind of disappointed that weekends aren't as refreshing for me as they used to be in S.A. It feels like my days are exactly the same, 24-7, with very little change. I like the house, and I'm certainly not ready to move or anything (not to mention I'm not sure it would change anything anyway) so I'm just going to have to learn how to deal with this. I just . . . really don't know how. Well, I just wanted to post here to keep people updated, although not much has been going on or anything, and I rarely have anything new to talk about. And I've just been kind of bummed and not very entertaining to read. Sorry. Thanks for reading anyway, and take care, R January 02 What's goin' on?I worked on my painting some last night, but it took a wrong turn. At least I know what I don't want to do with it. It just went in the wrong direction. I will finish it (probably) soon, once I get a chance. Thanks to everyone for the kind wishes for the new year, and for your condolences over the loss of my rabbit. C has been very supportive as well. I'm not sure I would make it through this time if it weren't for him and for everyone being so nice. I always read the comments here and I appreciate your well-wishes. I wish some of you lived in Fort Worth! Hey, anytime you're in town and want to go get a cup of coffee or a scone over at Starbucks, let me know! :) I'm still sick and kind of goofy, which accounts for my odd tempo today in my writing. I'm just not . . . in order? I don't know. I just can't seem to follow a path in a straight line. I'm playing hopscotch instead, if that makes any sense. I doubt I can make much more sense than that today. Not enough sleep, and the sleep I get is of poor quality due to this congestion. Probably causing apnea as well as other things. And the coughing! And the tissues! UGH! I've had ENOUGH! I guess that's enough nonsense and rambling for the day. One can only take so much, and I'm the one writing this! Ha! Yeah, I'm a weirdo. I will write soon. Everyone take care. R January 01 Happy New Year!Happy first day of the New Year! I'd say it can't be any worse than last year, but: 1.) I've had worse years than 2006--quite a few of them. It wasn't the worst, but it certainly wasn't the best, either. and 2.) I don't want to jinx myself. But I can still wish everyone a Happy New Year. I wish you got presents for new year's day, too! I would like a gift card to Mister Art or Cheap Joe's Art Supplies. Or Starbucks gift cards! I could always use those! I haven't been going as often, mostly because it's not as much fun going by myself as it is with friends. And by "myself" I mean with my toddler boy and not a relaxing chair in a corner with a book. Even that I might try to find time for. But it's just not as relaxing to hang out trying to entertain my son and E has been really fun lately, though. He's just been really funny and pleasant to be around. He's been laughing a lot at the simplist things, like a burp or a stumble. It's really cute. I think it's time for a nap right now, though. Yeah, we could both use a nap. I am still under the weather, on to the sneezy drippy stage of my cold or whatever. And my quick trip to the grocery store left me exhausted! I feel old today. My husband and I both fell asleep well before midnight last night. And I don't really like wine, so I had about a punch cup full and called it quits. I'm not supposed to be drinking with my meds anyway. But it just tastes like grape juice and vinegar to me, or like cough syrup, which I've never liked. Okay, that was just about as boring as you can get for a blog entry. I'll conclude with the "art" joke I came up with that I've been saving for this blog: There are lots of train tracks in Fort Worth, since there are a lot of warehouses and distribution centers here. If you were to plot all of the train tracks on a map, it would look like a Jackson Pollock painting! Or maybe de Kooning. Eh. Not really that funny. Okay, sorry. Hope you weren't looking forward to that too much so you weren't too disappointed! Aim low when you come here, folks! All right, guess it's nap time. Take care, and visit me soon! R enjoy a hot beverage. |
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